The greatest boon would be death on my own terms
Yet i wonder would fear keep me immortal?
Would time grow weary of my cowardice?
Would i ever be satisfied to quit
Or would i drag that immortal coil
Until we all are gone….
Or would i still wait to be the last one?
The home inside me
Is stripped away
Its pieces pass through me
Empty once more
Another that never came to be.
That limbo awkwardness
After a nasty fight
Where though you’ve
Sorted it out
The angry words still echo
The intensity still lingers
The tension refuses to slack off
And so you both trudge on
More polite and apologetic
Wishing for the warmth that
You had basked in before
Wondering when will this be forgotten?
When will this dissipate?
When will this be that insignificant grey cloud that lingered too long
And obscured the rainbow
Before its brilliance shone through.
Searching for a reason
To cross each other’s path
Any old excuse will do
And yet the distance keeps
But within glance
A thirst is quenched all the same
A longing that seems disproportionate
To what you actually crave
Upon seeing that familiar gait
That familiar shadow
That tell tale smile that you sense
Warming you from the other side
While you both gingerly peer
Through the slats
Wondering if you could actually touch
Would it almost be unbearable?
We are all conflicted
In this critic laden world of ours
And yet there is kindred
To connect with
There is likeness
That is acceptable
Strived for
applauded, lauded when achieved…
There are the weird,
Outlandish,
Creative,
Kooky,
A character, if u please…
And yet there are the shunned
Whatever normality they attempt
Is a fraud
Whatever is their natural is
Ridiculed,
Redacted,
Eradicated,
Erased….
We celebrate togetherness so well
Applaud uniqueness
Yet are
Indifferent/Intolerant
Of all who are truly unique
Truly different
Truly just someone
Who would find so much comfort
In being apart of the same
Instead of the shame.
I write mindlessly
Not knowing what i want to mean
Not knowing what I’m supposed to want
I reach out to no one
And feel no one needing me
But that’s not true
Everyone needs to not hear
Me out of chorus
Out of tune
Out of order
Out of sense
And searching for my own understanding
Because no one knows how long that could take
And who but i…if even i come to know…
Know what i really need to know?
I’ve always had vivid dreams and often remembered them for days after. At times it’s the same dream or same setting but different feel, characters, or familiar situation gone awry. I thought why not note these down, maybe I’ll get some insight into their meaning…
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Two peacocks rushed into the room
But a boiled pink and hardly a feather left in its train
“We want to stay with you”
They whined, jabbing at me
Pecking at my face
I reached out and grabbed their beaks shut
Pushing them away
My sister looked on
“Tell them you’ll think about it…or that you’ll try”
They looked at me expectantly
“What?? I can’t keep you….!” I could hardly get the words out of my mouth before they started jabbing at me poking their beaks into face.
I pushed them away, I’d had enough
“Stop, just stop!”
“Rahul! Vijay! Stop now, that’s enough!”
My sister shouted. The peacocks looked at her, bent their heads in shame and quietly walked out.
“You named them???”
(Woke up)
****************************************
* please note often when I say “I” or “my sister” it’s what I perceive the characters in my dream to be….often these characters occupy my dreams moreso than what I can identify as myself.
