if i looked back just now
i know that i would wish i worried less
i know that i would wish i calmed down more
i know that i would prepare less for disaster
and relish in the joy allotted to me
for i know happiness is fickle and fleeting
and so i should hold on tight
and become blissfully lost in its arms
when it wishes to embrace me
instead i while away my time
how do i trust it will return
when i have seen it leaving too soon and so often?
what will i do then?
when will i wholeheartedly believe in it again?