taunting myself to be happy or else
and marking lines in the sands of time
each year that passes
held up for scrutiny
do i deserve to live?
a push and pull between my expectations
and what others expect of me
what have been fulfilled
what others are still pending
and that secret desire to have it all
because I want it more than the others who just assume i should
do i just toy with the idea of ends?
am i thankful, in fear of retribution?
am i grateful, in fear of being broken?
am i hopeful, in fear of being lost?
do i count my blessings only to keep my failures at bay?