let me live my life as a leaf

let me live my life as a leaf.
let me lift and leave as they do.
they beg not to let go of limb…
but they go nevertheless, their greeness outgrown.
their brightness only crumbling to rustling brown bits
as i watch whether trampler will rake them back to me…
they do not stay as i do.
i alone cannot bear for each of them to go.
leaving me so bare and barren once more.
let eternal winter slay me through once.
lashes no more, no one hears my white muffled cries.
crack me in two and be done with your icy touch.
let not Spring come again with her adornments,
they mean nothing to me no more.
Sultry Summer with her,
blush of petit sweet offerings.
my bitterness ever taints them…
carressing eyes yet shriveling tongues.
etch not your beloveds upon me…
i promise your parting,
under my very boughs.

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The Soft

How do i love/trust without prejudice?

My experiences have taught me

To become tough, decisive, flinty

Cynical is my new prescription

Because the soft keep on giving

The soft are easier to keep hurting

The soft keep giving and making do

The soft get stepped on

Kicked to the side and stepped over.

What comes of this?

What comes of this?

A forced change.

A deliberate turn.

A different way out.

A challenge within.

A compulsory adaptation.

Survival under surveillance.

Not all of us get sudden ends.

will i?

i feel the edge threatening to crumble off

asking what will i do when my feet touch air?

will i reach for land or will i leap?

i feel my being breaking apart inside

asking will i give up or harden?

will i reach up or will i fall down?

i feel my heart letting go

asking will i trust it again

or will i just let it rot and bloat?

will i let it soar again or pin it to its place?

supposedly

supposedly

things get better

the very moment you give up

the very moment you out loud deny

that there’s even the slightest chance of seeing light

the very moment your heart says “no that’s it…no more.”

supposedly things get better

but until they do

all i can do is stare the hands down

as they tick away the time to supposedly: 

that unannounced moment when things will somehow magically become better

and i no longer will have to only suppose.

turn around and see

turn around now

and look at what you see

look at me

and tell me

you don’t like what you see

but don’t say that you can’t bring yourself to see

for all that you see is

whatever you have made of me.

chrysalis

Having heard
its new name
a little wound one
excitedly
jittered
within her
inner sanctum

time would make its
form and name true
but her voice
whispered…

hotly, insisted…
“they will have flown
and I will only
hear the wind a-lowing”

within itself
its slowed
heart beat fevered.
the colours swirled
yet did not settle.
the tendrils braced
but did not spread.
the silk unfurled
but lay tattered.

and out of the
chrysalis came,
the one seeking
her name,
and heard only
the flutter-flutter of
surrounding
wings.

Dear Destiny,

Dear Destiny,

thou art but a mistress,
mover of a mere mortal will,
that yet shapes all that you usurp.

let it be..
it is not fate.
i find it not in the stars.
it is only
your reason that
rules over a life.

it struggles still..
towards the Light…
that does not exist.

everloving i

Everloving I:
beg among the multitude,
but you are darkness-fair,
to give but kingly precious few…
an essence of alms

to sustain the pleader more.

 

In my wounded soul:
I have placed you piercing deep,
yet still you wander…
still my heart do reap.

 

I will breathe the very air:
that you will move to form,
the words of change.

And there I will:
part my lips,
to sigh…to seal…
and cry with my soul
returned

to ask still why I will ever
yearn.

ready

i’m ready to lose you

ready to leave and

even if you disagree

and we can be as we

always were before

i’m ready to go

because

now

i’m ready

to be free.