How am i stronger?

How am i strong

When I’m still submitting to weaknesses?

Brushing away the nagging feeling

That things are not alright

That they can be better

But it’s in my hands.

How am I stronger

When I still am not able

To make the right

And cut my losses

To shape my life

The way it should be?

The way i so want it to be…

easier

is it easier or harder

to want what everyone else wants?

what we are smiled upon for wanting?

what we are supported and celebrated for wanting?

or is it harder to want what no one else thinks you should want?

what you will be lectured about, advised about, discouraged and guilted about?

is it easier to try your best to conform and worry how you fall short?

Or is it easier to strike your own path and bear the cold shoulders and disapproving glares?

this whispers, the dead silences, the piteous, the nervous and ingenuine smiles?

when does it become easier to do your thing?

when does it become easier to do what you want?

when does it become easier to achieve what seems to come so easy to others?

when does it become enough?

when does it become easier?

Petits XIV

a relief-ful sleep

a deep pressed sleep

a well steeped sleep

a much welcomed sleep

a tumble less slumber

an uninterrupted doze

now i bring my eyes to close

and sleep with peace on my mind

+++

an often seen post

“be happy for yourself”

“make yourself happy first”

“your happiness depends on you”

“you make your happiness”

“you are the creator of your joy”

a superficial toast to what one wants to be

but without you….i cannot seem to find myself

let alone find the joy sunken low within me

++++

another deadline written in the air

another supposed timely due date

another task for my fickle patience

arduous it is to wait and not waste away a little more each time

will i?

i feel the edge threatening to crumble off

asking what will i do when my feet touch air?

will i reach for land or will i leap?

i feel my being breaking apart inside

asking will i give up or harden?

will i reach up or will i fall down?

i feel my heart letting go

asking will i trust it again

or will i just let it rot and bloat?

will i let it soar again or pin it to its place?