February 3, 2019 by QueridaJ

Don’t wait

I waited

Until your reasons sounded like excuses

I waited

With new hope for us and our lives

I waited

For you to cross your hurdles until they became the ones you created

I waited

Unwaveringly suffering from how i was the one impeding us

I waited

Wholeheartedly defending you, protecting you from all my concerns

I waited

Enclosing myself in anxiety, hiding away from reality, my instincts, my gut all screaming something’s wrong

I waited

Never letting anyone in so they wouldn’t know what we were going through because i thought you were fragile

I waited through it all

And got nothing in return

I waited until

I felt like the world was against us

But then admitted to myself

That it was only you against us.

And now I’m here.

Full of regret for being

so blind,

so insecure,

so naive,

so believing,

so in denial,

But a tiny part of me is still waiting

For you to want to prove I’m wrong

So how f***ed is that?

February 1, 2019 by QueridaJ

Silly me, I fell again.

You mustn’t shed a tear

I can’t stand to see you cry

You have to stop

It makes me sad

You shouldn’t worry

You have too much anxiety

You’re so insecure

You’ll see one day

You’ll regret what you caused me to do

You had all the chances to change

You know how i am

You know what I’m ok with

You know

You made me do this

You pushed me

You stressed me

You caused me

You did.

I never meant to do it

But you asked for it

And now I can’t stop.

December 10, 2013 by QueridaJ

Truth once told me

Truth once told me
that Uncertainty
will one day kill me.

So off I set to find Un-C
yet upon meeting him
I could only blame Stress.

Stress addled and full of bile
haughtily stalked towards me
and after a few choice words
told me to go accuse Denial.

Denial of course was always near
I tried as much as I could to look him in the eye
but behind Denial stood Fear.

May 22, 2012 by QueridaJ

solemn busker

Solemn busker

Will you ever be nearer to me

Than you are with your wistful violin?

How else could you ever dare?

How else could I ever bare?

How else could this be?

Do not act as if it is only I who deceive.

It is only music after all

Played better by hands less grimely-worn than yours

Yet to rest a finger upon the violin’s rest….

Am I as agitating as the poverty that demeans you before me?

Do you ever hope that the thrown coins

fall from a closely distance?

that my smile is not only for your tune?

I know you play “Ave Maria”

Only for me

Though badly

Do you ever escape into an imagined embrace

Of course you would

For I should never admit

That I do.

April 25, 2012 by QueridaJ

budding’s cry

journey to the innocence
of a budding’s tired cry
music to the ear
that softly forgets
what fate it has set forth

what death will take
because he has more heart
than that which moves to see
what pleasure more, stays now distracted

upon those who gaze
on all that is yet to be known
clouding what is known
and does not live
in our lives
if not named

April 2, 2012 by QueridaJ

cherried

Note: I wrote this years ago…I want to change it, but I don’t know what exactly I want to change, so I have left it as it is, and perhaps my muse will relent…

she sat clumsily against the grimy brick wall
staring straight ahead to avoid my sharp glance
her hair lay greasy and plastered to her face
dark and congealed like tarrish glue
lazily her hand lay open to catch the piercing needles from above
sighing i sat aside her
defiant to remain as wordless as she
to stay still as icyness wetted my clothes
even as the torrent of freezy drops
snaked down my goose-pimpled neck
she lay her head calmly upon numb shoulder
and slid heavily into sitter’s lap
upon her flustered face
stared two crimson-stained eyes
cheeks a blush
lips parted in scarlet
hued tears had lay upon eyelashes
and run rivulets upon her rosy-pale face
cherried were her hands
all sticky with sweet iron scent
she lay there refusing to utter a word more
almost but never….no never her…almost less a little of life
she lay in my drizzle laden arms
drenched in rain and red…