Promise

Dear God

Promise in the next life

You will have more mercy on my heart…

You will not let it be so fragile

You will not let it enjoy so many facets of love

(For this only encourages it so)

You will let it know how one can love

my heart back

Truly, fully, unabashedly

As it does now…

That you must let me have at last

In my next life…

You will not let it give and give and give

Only to falter, implore and yearn

And yet

Somehow wish to seek once more…

Why does my heart hold out so much hope?

Why does it want what it may only get

in the next life?

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A much appreciated response from asoulwalker, thought it should be read and not hidden in the comments.

A response by asoulwalker:

Dear God,
You know my hope is weak
You know my heart is feeble
Why do you give me so much freedom?
You know the world is cruel,
And my heart wants to love…
Please let it be heard.

– a soul walker

https://asoulswalk.wordpress.com/

will i?

i feel the edge threatening to crumble off

asking what will i do when my feet touch air?

will i reach for land or will i leap?

i feel my being breaking apart inside

asking will i give up or harden?

will i reach up or will i fall down?

i feel my heart letting go

asking will i trust it again

or will i just let it rot and bloat?

will i let it soar again or pin it to its place?

gather the visions

gather the visions, that have not come true
do not let them scatter
they will only sneak in later
ready to inflate and flatter
what is not possible.

gather the dreams, all broken and torn
do not let them fly
they will only land later
and once again pry.

gather the lies, all found and spoken
do not let even one survive
they will only bleed in later
ready to further deprive.

gather all the loves forsaken
do not let them stay
they will only linger and linger
waiting to betray.

expectations

at times when i forgo my need of happiness,
i am ushered unknown into a knowledge of being fully blessed…
that i have two friends who freely come and go as my foes,
for i know that these two love me with all their hearts
and dishearten only of what i fail to learn and know.
their guidance strong,
my freedom entrusted.
their love unconditional,
my opportunities made unlimited.

their depthless understanding and efforts,
to the follies and foolishness,
that i have met.

their ever-reaching dreams,
that reach my heart

but not realization.
brought up in perfection
but caught up in illusion.

meant

tainted thine typed out tryings
verbage together litter a page
what more is there but lesser whats
riffled through and written out

as rejected
over confidence over
rhythm somewhere lost
devices to lie have proven true in their bitter lies
meaning yet means to change
to whatever it meant to matter

i’m stuck

i’m stuck
and don’t mind being so
i’m too afraid to move forward
and too afraid to stay behind
secretly i sigh that delays made, are out of my hands
but miserable that i will be left back.
the world’s most preciously deemed
i waste without outward regret
time and money galore
has gone and i bemoan the reason to need more
silently i must remain as in of me
meaninglessly dreading the decay
that seems only to point towards ruthless consequences
making my senses acute and numb and to sense no more
yet more aware am i of this urgent whisper of idle
as i am at the quickening and ever-knocking of my heart
and the foolish inability to do nothing more than to move forward
and remain tormentedly stuck…