Losing

i often think that i am asking you the inconceivable…

Something so unique, so far from , something nearly unfathomable…

And yet i see it all around me. And it hurts that i ask for something so mundane and yet it remains elusive.

i am no fool to think it will last if i ever was granted what i want…. But at least i could be grateful that i had it at all.

They say: “Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all”

But how am i still losing what i never had?

Be Merciful…I beg

Why do you so cruelly

Keep away

What you planted in my heart

So very long ago?

You made me hopeful,

You made me deserving,

You made me want.

But you found some

Deep and constant satisfaction

In breaking me apart.

Why do you show me how easily

You give to others.

How fully, abundant and beautiful

You allow their Love to be.

Every yearning part of me

Prays that you will not

Find so much joy

In my misery,

Find so much rapture

In my lonliness,

Find so much glee

In my sorrow,

Find so much mirth

In my pain.

Why do you deprive me?

Juxtaposition

I – at the table to the left

She watches him with mock puppy eyes as he eats, he looks at her with a knowing look… “You want some…eh?”

She half nods/half shrugs. Her eyes glint with coy mischief.

He sighs…the sweet burden of silly annoyances… He cups the rice and mixes it up in all the different curries and feeds her a mouthful. Smiling at her silly game…her unbridled joy…

II – just across the room

The Bride looks intently at her food. So interested in its colors, its textures, how it gleams, how much can be scooped up daintly on a spoon. How much can go in her mouth without smudging the fade proof lipstick.
She smiles plastic to herself.

The groom’s face is stormy and petulant. He sits turned away from her. Rigid. Unrelenting. His heaping plate awaits beside hers.

The photographer looks from bride to groom…groom to bride… He rubs his hair in fustration.

The second photog and videographer exchange brooding glances. Their eyebrows shoot up in sync…their mouths sardonic yet grim.

The photographer, chuckles hard… His voice strained/pitched:

“Heh, ha, ha… Ok…Let’s go now… Come on then” he prods.

He lets out an angry sigh into his shoulder pressing his face hard against his camera strap.

I need the damn shot of them feeding each other… They’ll ask for it later like it’s all my fault for not getting it.

tarnished

Is it Age which has tarnished this man?

loosened his tongue?
lessened his morals?
degraded his respect?
diminished his kindness?

Has wear and tear and time done its deed?

No….only that irrepressible bitterness of life
and its thorny, barren path.

Do i hate this one now?

No, not hate…after all that has gone by…

struggled and survived.

No, not hate…no, not a lot…just a little.

Ungratefulness is a nettle-laden venom
inflaming all those who are no less weaker than you.

see how selfish one is to remember:

only his errors, his faults

his stumblings-grumblings-bumblings

his wandering and oft lost thoughts…

see how my finger points…how my words sting,

even when inside i am only hurt because
i let the finger point and the words sting…

the answer is “e”

a poem scribbled out when…Yes, I was supposed to be studying…just for fun =)

such a tedious chore
to study

such a waste of time
to cram

in studying i find:

innumerable slowly nonsensical
words, terms and dreaded definitions
theories old and disproved

yet in need of dutiful memorization
concepts to be fully understood

applications to be applied
experiments to be analysed
conclusions to be reiterized

the onslaught of words turn into a maze of letters
this means this but after that it means those
no no that’s wrong

this means that but before it means this it causes one to say

WHAT???

mnemonic devices how ever clever never fully suffice

“remember the one who rewrote for the one who re-rewrote what the
other one wrote”

“no frankly i don’t…”

“what is your name?”

“i can’t recall…”

your exam is facilitated by the use
of multiple choice:

a) study, write, fail to write name

b) study, blank out, scribble, tremble, sweat, finally write on a hilarious tangent and fail

c) study, re-study, revise, summarize, write for wrong class and fail

d) all of the above

hint: the answer is always e)