Lost & Finding

*I don’t know how this will work but I’m going to try…I would like to create a piece that prompted asoulwalker’s thoughtful and sage response.

“Lost & Finding”

There were days i wrote

Even then i curbed my words

Hid from their meaning

Scoffed at the emotion and fervour with which i wrote…

And i lost.

I lost myself

I lost my drive

I lost my joy

I lost.

And when I finally said i cannot do this anymore…

I chose me.

But choosing me meant

Forgiving myself when i felt betrayed

Comforting myself when i felt robbed

Picking up myself knowing i would stumble

Pieceing myself together… Knowing that there would be more pieces that would not fit, some broken, some lost, some taken or thrown away.

And when i ventured back to here

I realized I was there for me in words

Before I was ready

Before I needed it

Before I was strong enough to choose me.

And now I’m here…trying again… Not to seek the past, not to give into the urgency of the present…. Not to fear the future.

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There is a space between things
Between the seeing and the feeling
Between the hearing and the feeling
Between the thinking and the feeling
There is a silence and a stillness
And in that space
We all move
We all are moved
We all are still
Every breath is held.

Let us face ourselves
That we might face each other
And may God show us the way of mercy

-asoulwalker

https://asoulswalk.wordpress.com/

Untitled i

You steep yourself in joy

The moments warmly melt together

Until your smile clicks into automode

And you realize there’s only so much of another’s joy you can handle when you are hurting inside.

Their joy gushes forth and

envelopes your willing heart

but it makes the sinkhole larger…

It makes the hole gnaw away faster

making its gaping maw even larger

you helplessly taste the bitter tinge of woe mix with the sweetness of the time

Your conscience flails in the viscose goo of regret…

And you steel yourself against the tears that prick you with insistence

Because it horrifies you that

you could ever besmirch their rightful joy.