voiced

i hear your voice

that off key humming

that soft yet deep toned

murmuring

that distinct chuckle

that sweet nothing filled echo

 

i strain to hear you

to make it real

to place it in my time

but just as always

you go silent

sensing you have

come too near

what keeps you away?

 
 

you know i await

that fated chance

not promised

no, not at all

but dreamt of

and longed for

but thought of

and prayed for

and kept

within my

wounded self

to give the

emptiness

some company

Petits III

you know
very well
all that i mind
and yet you ask
incredulous
as i continue
to lie
that which you know
will never be true

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

glass tears
spill
hot and newly wrought
failing to melt my resolve
to keep gathering the shards of my foolish hope

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

a shared denial

sweet and quietly treacherous

on the edge -precarious

each ready with a protest

each steeling for the impending goodbye

waiting for the other

to be “the bad guy”


Normalcy/Numbness

is Normalcy just Numbness?

Only Pain can tell:

“Invisible yet instrumental in releasing sense obnoxious/Heart throbbing realized as it echoes through one’s stuffed head/Interest feigned only when ache tramples throughout the body”

How pill pleases those who are ill!

(Never mind the effects that do not take a side)

It is

  1. placed, wetted, diluted, mixed
  2. pushed, forced, gagged,
  3. sucked, sunk, drowned, disintegrated
  4. to Numb.

To return one to the Norm,
undefined yet deified
when all that one can do
is pathetically yearn
for wholeness, trueness, fullness
of blissful Numbness…

  • Swimming colours interrupt solemnity
  • Pulsing sounds deter away from fruitful thought
  • Self pity wails away:  “Oh woe is me!”

“If only I were well:”

  • and a thousand new oaths follow…
  • such copiously sanitary resolutions
  • such strenuously optimistic inclinations

All in order to bargain for another day of being well

And still…

all is forgotten when one is well once more…

When one is one and Numb once more.




imperfect angel

i’m watched over by an imperfect angel

what makes him human?
what makes him clay?

what makes him stay?

there are no wings
to be gained

there are no sins
to be shunned

there are no fallen
to be saved

what makes him stay?

i know
it is i
who stands in his way

and yet
i silently hope

for
another
day…

Losing hope in hope

Hope, you have led me all astray…

Your wishful prancing
has left me plodding
Your naive faith
has left me questioning
Your promises
have left me holding half-attempts
that feed my fears
and scar like tragedies.

You have left me lost.

Stuck in a place
where chance
skirts the edges of reality.

Stuck in a time
where self-fulfilling prophecies
come half full.

Stuck in a pit
where i warily
count the tears
that each laugh
will cost.