one day you’re going to catch on
step back and pause
and know your inkling was right all along
***
tainted i agree
and stained indelibly
as much as i do
to out its residue
it bleeds it bleeds
it seeps into my very being
***
don’t believe in me
i’ll only let you down
don’t profess your trust
i’ll fall prey to suspicious thoughts
don’t hold out your hand
i just may brush it away
don’t uphold me in any way
i just might drag you down with me
why do i sigh (a little relieved)
when fear comes tumbling out of your mouth
your urgent words collide into each other
in their haste to express what i hardly have the courage to sum up
and therefore reply with silence
(and a deeply quiet marvel)
at how insecurity is such an odd leveler
an overlooked equaler
and so i know now
but before
i could only accumulate
reasons that were true before
and though they were not given by you
they spoke for you in your absence
until your words came to my heed
until your voice came like a soothing balm
of what you thought was true
of what you hoped i knew
but what i dared not believe
until it came from you
for every deception
there comes a moment
of unwillingness
a moment of unclarity
where whatever falseness
lays in wait to be discovered
there hides the revelation
that the fooler will become the fooled
that the convincer will become convinced
to put his contrivances aside
and believe in something
that would never make sense out loud.
how is it we forget to swim
when we started afloat?
how is it we breathe now
what then bubbled?
what attachment do we seek
when once nourished through a fleshen bond?
what vision do we await
when we thrive for what
pushes us further away
from the truth?
i know better
and still
Regret
clenches at my heart
radiating rage
my blood festers
i clench my teeth
and bite down on all the words
that would reveal
me
weak.
humanize me
so that i too can spend
my life worrying over
the pursuit green paper.
humanize me
so that i too can fight
battles over borders
not even visible in air.
humanize me
so that i too can know
fellows are only human
when they are not my enemy.
humanize me
so that i too can see
myself as another
who is just a better copy of me.
humanize me
so that i too shall know
of happiness pursued
but never attained…
i’m watched over by an imperfect angel
what makes him human?
what makes him clay?
what makes him stay?
there are no wings
to be gained
there are no sins
to be shunned
there are no fallen
to be saved
what makes him stay?
i know
it is i
who stands in his way
and yet
i silently hope
for
another
day…
intotheindigo 