chocolates

chocolates,
proffering a gesture of her single kindness

with an open heart
she gives away and taunts me still

this is all she has brought
she who has made my son smile
this is may be the happiest moment of his life
is the saddest realization of mine

i do not want them all laid in a row
when have i ever walked down such a perfect path?
they must be fingered and bit and tasted and tossed
and smashed as what all sweetness has been for me

i take one and another
and pry the very ones from his little curled fist
i take and take and relish the tears which he will cry
for the mother who could not give him the chance to smile

he cries out loud in disbelief
to have his gift wrenched away
when he has given and given and given
all that was never supposed to be taken from him

my child is too a chocolate
devoured hungrily by me
fearing that this one too like all the rest of mine
will be snatched and eaten by time and tragedy

while unsuspecting hands freely offer
sweets poisoned with false hope that last until
he again will cry for a mouthful from my empty hand

i have never

i have never

lay upon the roadside and cried for sleep
pleaded for water or whimpered for a meal
walked farther than far and still walked some more
bickered for space and frowned at innocent smiles

said words i did not believe
swore oaths i did not comprehend

felt pity drowning within myself
felt fright in sharing
guilt for still caring
accused innocent lives to continue with mine

i thought my nevers would last,but they betrayed me…

my never evers have become my now.