cursed-weak

the greatest curse that befell the weak is
the inability to stay well…
the inability to control the pain within.
the inability to depend on oneself to heal.
the inability to live through life without wishing it away…
it is the seizure of the form that houses still what wishes to thrive.
it is the suffocation of the very movement that allows air.
it is the misery of the contained…
it is the uncontrollable immobilization of the spirit.

more than enough

though i feel the points and juttings

as i toss and turn and knock about

my fingers still seek and sink into

the weighty dough

and though at times i peer at spindly

i beg the Fleischer

and promise soft to pay him dearly

and even sometimes i breathe in

and glimpse reedy

but there is no question

of how

at noon’s call

how needy

how so very, very greedy

it gets…

and though you tell me

to really see

and to see what you see

i see only me

and that

i am more than enough


Normalcy/Numbness

is Normalcy just Numbness?

Only Pain can tell:

“Invisible yet instrumental in releasing sense obnoxious/Heart throbbing realized as it echoes through one’s stuffed head/Interest feigned only when ache tramples throughout the body”

How pill pleases those who are ill!

(Never mind the effects that do not take a side)

It is

  1. placed, wetted, diluted, mixed
  2. pushed, forced, gagged,
  3. sucked, sunk, drowned, disintegrated
  4. to Numb.

To return one to the Norm,
undefined yet deified
when all that one can do
is pathetically yearn
for wholeness, trueness, fullness
of blissful Numbness…

  • Swimming colours interrupt solemnity
  • Pulsing sounds deter away from fruitful thought
  • Self pity wails away:  “Oh woe is me!”

“If only I were well:”

  • and a thousand new oaths follow…
  • such copiously sanitary resolutions
  • such strenuously optimistic inclinations

All in order to bargain for another day of being well

And still…

all is forgotten when one is well once more…

When one is one and Numb once more.