inkling

there dallies a small inkling:

the power to change or withhold

the chance to fold or grow old

and never know…

although something inside

echoes

that Regret will not crow proudly

and Instinct will

 remain the

truest guide.

2012

Listen to myself?

I don’t know why i don’t listen to myself

I find it often too tiring to be bothersome

Too self-conscious to be blunt

But it never leads me anywhere good

I’ll be lucky if i get out unscathed

I know fully well I push my luck too far each time.

Saving grace

My suspect heart won’t let me rest

It thinks and thinks

And pokes and prods

When things are too good to be true.

A saving grace that sometimes

Is lightly begrudged.

Don’t wait

I waited

Until your reasons sounded like excuses

I waited

With new hope for us and our lives

I waited

For you to cross your hurdles until they became the ones you created

I waited

Unwaveringly suffering from how i was the one impeding us

I waited

Wholeheartedly defending you, protecting you from all my concerns

I waited

Enclosing myself in anxiety, hiding away from reality, my instincts, my gut all screaming something’s wrong

I waited

Never letting anyone in so they wouldn’t know what we were going through because i thought you were fragile

I waited through it all

And got nothing in return

I waited until

I felt like the world was against us

But then admitted to myself

That it was only you against us.

And now I’m here.

Full of regret for being

so blind,

so insecure,

so naive,

so believing,

so in denial,

But a tiny part of me is still waiting

For you to want to prove I’m wrong

So how f***ed is that?

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inkling

there dallies a small inkling:

the power to change or withhold

the chance to fold or grow old

and never know…

although something inside

echoes

that Regret will not crow proudly

and Instinct will

 remain the

truest guide.