i cannot see past this misery
it catches me unaware
i avert my eyes from happiness
it is a but a cruel reminder
of all that i cautiously….yet…willingly….hoped would be
and though i’ve always prepared for failure
i feel winded even before the blow
i feel hollow even before i know
of what i fear i already know is true
i cannot begin to imagine
what this will do to me
upon those who gaze
on all that is yet to be known
clouding what is known
and does not live
in our lives
if not named
really i mean it:
this is what i have done.
this is what i have always meant.
this is what i will always know.
this is what you will always see.
really that’s all there is,
only i wish it were true.
i was like a scattered genius
wisdom overflowing
intellect profusely glowing
curtailed by my own fury
ever distant from knowing glory
savant than all compare but
the moments were scarce/rare
when they came
they came hard
to rival the sages
to rival the bards
yet all the sacred while
i remained:
entranced/entrapped…immobile.
wretched troll
with your slimy scroll
why must you tell me
all that
i must never know?
Meticulously you have written my cursed fall
your flickering tongue my rueful name repeatedly calls
why must you speak of
all that
I must deny to know?
Gleefully my heart, you continue grasping
your vile words in my ear, stay rasping
why must you sing of
all that
i must fight to know?
trampling my fresh grave, you twirl and dance
ramming dirt into breaths of chance
why must you prophetize
all that
i must die to know?
intotheindigo 