A lie is a lie is a lie…

He typed….

“I’m sorry you feel that way

I’m sorry for all the bad memories it brought forth

All the pain you had before

All the doubt that it provokes”

He quickly texted…

“But you are being paranoid

Quite overly analytical

Unnecessarily critical”

I have made my assumptions.

I replied

But your reasoning just confirms them…

A lie is a lie is a lie

It doesn’t change a thing for me

Lies

Just one drop
Lick it clean
Dribble the last drip
Upon your cloying tongue
Swallow it with pride
Like you drank its remnants gratefully
Suck your teeth
Run your tongue around your lips
Don’t let that go to waste
Just that one last drop

Don’t let it go to waste

You know better than to believe

His lies

But sometimes you want to.

 

Renewed 2016

Silly me, I fell again.

You mustn’t shed a tear

I can’t stand to see you cry

You have to stop

It makes me sad

You shouldn’t worry

You have too much anxiety

You’re so insecure

You’ll see one day

You’ll regret what you caused me to do

You had all the chances to change

You know how i am

You know what I’m ok with

You know

You made me do this

You pushed me

You stressed me

You caused me

You did.

I never meant to do it

But you asked for it

And now I can’t stop.

Is that all?

Breathlessly he says

“I love you
your first and true love…”

It sounds as good as it does to reply… Fit to burst… gushing, gaping.

“I miss you”

He says… slurred with desire.

“You’re only mine
Only ever mine…
Mine and mine alone.”

Melt and succumb, crumble and relent.

“A life together, I’ll say : it’s all mom’s doing I’m just your poor Dad, with you through everything…”

And those dreams form, built precariously high, brightly imbued with deceitful potential.

“How could you? I love you. Remember???”

Is that all he ever does

Just says he will, he can’t, he would?

I peer at her

Peer through her

The glassy eyes stare back at me…

Is that all it takes…just words?

I stare back at her

“What’s it to you?”

I ask.

She stares back

And mouths the words back.

gather the visions

gather the visions, that have not come true
do not let them scatter
they will only sneak in later
ready to inflate and flatter
what is not possible.

gather the dreams, all broken and torn
do not let them fly
they will only land later
and once again pry.

gather the lies, all found and spoken
do not let even one survive
they will only bleed in later
ready to further deprive.

gather all the loves forsaken
do not let them stay
they will only linger and linger
waiting to betray.

and so i know now

and so i know now

but before

i could only accumulate

reasons that were true before

and though they were not given by you

they spoke for you in your absence

until your words came to my heed

until your voice came like a soothing balm

of what you thought was true

of what you hoped i knew

but what i dared not believe

until it came from you

 

realization

I await a realization…
one that has been a long time coming

a long time waiting
to be seen for real.

I await a realization…
to slacken surprised mouths
to crease optimistic brows
and quiet delighted eyes
and see the dreams of wonder mist out.

I await a realization…
one where encounters prove as stories
and fame, all-told seeks to be untold
to be re-told
as nothing shy of the simple truth :

an imperfect realization.
 

Petits III

you know
very well
all that i mind
and yet you ask
incredulous
as i continue
to lie
that which you know
will never be true

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

glass tears
spill
hot and newly wrought
failing to melt my resolve
to keep gathering the shards of my foolish hope

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

a shared denial

sweet and quietly treacherous

on the edge -precarious

each ready with a protest

each steeling for the impending goodbye

waiting for the other

to be “the bad guy”