i let go…

i let go

why must you still not do so?

i let go with so much

what is it for you with nothing

to leave me be…

why is it i cannot close my eyes and be without you

but you have cut me off

and still bind me to your will.

as i stare searching reliving ever without release

you live and leave me

staring ever after you.

is this always to be?

i reach and fall

you need not reach

and have no way to fall.

you care not knowing i can not but care

yet i let it go

i let it all go

so to not let go

of

you…

the un-rebel

no kind words
await the ill-honoured
un-rebel.

no praise, or applause
or laurels are
deserved by he.

a lament, a tirade
a lengthy convoluted complaint
are better suited for
he who plays the role
of the nonchalant saint.

all his passiveness
filled in neatly
into whatever space
pride left
when it was
scooped out
and left to simmer
in indignity.

a doormat is he
yet the stomp-trampling feet
leave tainted and dirty.

an odd duck perhaps?
befuddled about which
pious path to choose?

no,
just callous
and quiet
and with
nothing to lose.

your loss not mine

“your loss not mine”

i practice before the mirror
a toss of the head
a narrowing of eyes
a haughty contempt
a shoddy attempt

i practice typing
hurriedly,
punctuating victory
leaving no space
between the lines
to read defeat
before jabbing “delete”

i practice the phrase
biting each word
chewing upon its gravity
less rudely than spit
more bitter than wit

i can’t do this shit.