Meet me halfway

Will you meet me halfway?

or must I

stay within the lines

of your chosen comforts?

Will I be myself when I’m fixed on

suiting you?

following blindly

feeling empty & lost

And filled with only your approval?

The answer I KNOW is NO.

(I refuse to unlearn

A lesson so painfully tested and taught.)

I want to know…

Are we just wasting each other’s time?

Lost & Finding

*I don’t know how this will work but I’m going to try…I would like to create a piece that prompted asoulwalker’s thoughtful and sage response.

“Lost & Finding”

There were days i wrote

Even then i curbed my words

Hid from their meaning

Scoffed at the emotion and fervour with which i wrote…

And i lost.

I lost myself

I lost my drive

I lost my joy

I lost.

And when I finally said i cannot do this anymore…

I chose me.

But choosing me meant

Forgiving myself when i felt betrayed

Comforting myself when i felt robbed

Picking up myself knowing i would stumble

Pieceing myself together… Knowing that there would be more pieces that would not fit, some broken, some lost, some taken or thrown away.

And when i ventured back to here

I realized I was there for me in words

Before I was ready

Before I needed it

Before I was strong enough to choose me.

And now I’m here…trying again… Not to seek the past, not to give into the urgency of the present…. Not to fear the future.

********************************
There is a space between things
Between the seeing and the feeling
Between the hearing and the feeling
Between the thinking and the feeling
There is a silence and a stillness
And in that space
We all move
We all are moved
We all are still
Every breath is held.

Let us face ourselves
That we might face each other
And may God show us the way of mercy

-asoulwalker

https://asoulswalk.wordpress.com/

Lost

I feel like i lost what i used to be…

My easy optimism
finding joy in all things

The sunrise, the clouds, the flowers, the warmth, the music

Sharing a smile with a passer-by

Seeing the love within a couple, a family, that indelible joy of a child

That golden warm feeling of gratefulness

Being happy because it’s so necessary

And now….

I feel like i lost what i used to be…

I write, but….

I write but
Not compelled
Not awoken
Startled by the force
To feverishly pen
What flows
What bursts forward
To be read
I do not wake
The words caught
Under breathe
Recited like a
Newly wrought prayer
Its power still new
Still raw
Still strong in its conviction
To be heard…

In vain

Trying in vain
to make a polygon
out of plasticine…

i try to make a
head out of a tail
yet all i see is a circle

i float up steps
that lead to
no nearer
to the edge
yet no further
from falling

i follow a line
disguised as a
dot and for some
reason i know
i’ve come to the
end of a beginning

a plea

a plea for pity

a soothing reprieve

a willingly wept prayer

a wretch’s last unsubtle cry for mercy

hopeless words half said, half breathed

a beckoning death knell

could not sound sweeter

and yet fate would not allow such ease

a desperate wail

scraped from within

feeble efforts to meekly appease

the undeniable truth of unease

caught

The look of disgust

dripped from your eyes

but i was trapped

and he was lost

my breath caught

my gasp too soon swallowed

shame shot through my senses

but i was held in place

and he stayed lost

 locked

in and out

pearly seek

i clutch at

their pearly spheres

as they stealthily slip off their string

and effortlessly fall

their luminescent sheen

reflecting off the floor

as they scatter away

i hold just one

and roll it between my fingers

knowing i’ll never find them all

i place it on my tongue

close my eyes

and spit it away

up into the air

it lands softly somewhere

i slowly peer and fear that i will see its peeking satined face

knowing i’ll never find them all

knowing that if i do

i’ll just want to swallow them all

for safe keeping