When did he think
he was possible?
why did he
twitch at
the ray of light?
why did he blink
to the sound of voices?
how will he cry out
where no mercy dares echo?
who taught him to believe in Life
when he was not wanted?
Who will tell him as he awaits to breathe?
Renewed from 2012
a realization
leisurely gnaws away at me
my heart sinks lower
shrinking from being devoured
my mind
wonders resolutely away
from the hurt
that stings too raw
my soul
cowers
waiting in vain
for the Lighted hour
taken aback
sharper, cruder, more sourly distinct
each time
i encounter its unexpected appearance
and then i realize
i’m really not that surprised
after all
but just for that one moment
i let my naive heart fail to grasp
what experience expected all along
just for fun, when writing the piece “lit/unlit” light was the word that rushed forth…
a word
rushes forth
at every chance
“am i needed?”
“am i sought?”
it repeats itself
like a child recites
“can i or can i not?”
shamelessly
pandering
clumsily
meandering
teasing forgetfulness
like it wants to be caught
but ever ready
with a toothy grin
“am i needed?
how ’bout now?
am i thought?”
is love the enjoyment of the moment hoping that it never ends?
it is the yearning for a moment that will never come…
is love saying i love you and meaning it?
it is saying i love you silently, masking its meaning from fear of any one soul hearing it…
is love knowing you should say i love you more often?
it is not being able to say it at all…
is love remembering the sweet times spent together?
it is living in the minute moments that takes a bit of you each time.
is love feeling hatred at only the moment of anger?
it is living in hatred of not being loved…
is love leaving your loved one, loved?
it is leaving without ever telling them they are loved…
is love being beside your lover at all times?
it is the pain of staying alongside and yet so far away from realization…
is love for giving up for the sake of peace?
it is giving up love for everyone’s sake but yours…
is love wanting to touch and wanting to be touched?
it is when the touch of breath upon words is enough…
is love wanting to be together always?
it is hoping to be together but knowing it is never…
when did it think
it was possible?
why did it
twitch at
the ray of light?
why did it rise
to the sound of voice?
how did it show rhythm
when no heart
beats for it?
why will it bleed longing
when it swims in bile?
how will it cry out
where no mercy dares echo?
why does it yearn to move
and leave a trace of mistake?
how does it breathe
in suppressed want?
who taught it to believe in Life
when it is not wanted?
When there are Manic days
where hope when not cried for
glimmers slightly,
tinting lightly on the blushing horizon
Reminisce back to those heavenly times:
sweet stretches of blissful sighs.
Remember those moments
those cheery, dazey, redolently, dreamy days.
Wait…what is that?
Oh.
Only a
silly
repression.
lost eyes
lend a smile
that slips itself
lightly on my lips
letting me forget
the lonely world
reminding me how far away you are
and how close your sweet memory
remains with me
i shake my head
and tell myself “this is no good…”
to think of one who has
so easily forgotten
of all that has gone by
this is my downfall.
for every moment
i yearn
for you and your all
i fall into the trap
of keeping you alive…
until lost eyes
uncloud
clearly knowing
that they would rather
be blind
with the glimpses
of your once
sweet wanting.
As a frequent user of public transportation, there have been countless periods of waiting mercifully filled with a chance to hum/recall/marvel at the songs that have captivated me and continue to play in the recesses of my mind, coming to the forefront when I again find myself waiting…why I rely on my mind rather than mp3/ipod is because I refuse to listen to music using headphones. Lesser than 20/20 vision has made me appreciate good hearing I guess…
So that is why I am particularly thankful for the powers of memory and the indelible print that music makes in our lives:
why does it make me forget?
takes me away
while letting me stay
gently pulls
gently caresses
gently settles
in the mind
and haunts
thereafter
as i walk
nonsensical hums
make beautiful sense
as it fills my mind
a presence
plays
all within in me
eyes shut
as scales soar
tuneless tunes sound
yet
heavenly
symphonies
echo
intotheindigo 