knowing

i cannot see past this misery

it catches me unaware

i avert my eyes from happiness

it is a but a cruel reminder

of all that i cautiously….yet…willingly….hoped would be

and though i’ve always prepared for failure

i feel winded even before the blow

i feel hollow even before i know

of what i fear i already know is true

i cannot begin to imagine

what this will do to me

Pendulum

pendulum
            to and fro
to and fro

along with the
beats of a heart
in throes
of wandering woe

pendulum
           to and fro
to and fro

tapping along
 a life’s time that
ticks by me
before my very eyes

pendulum
            to and fro
  to and fro

stopping quite still
to only mock with
with your dullish gold face
smirking away at my
misty-headed misery

cursed-weak

the greatest curse that befell the weak is
the inability to stay well…
the inability to control the pain within.
the inability to depend on oneself to heal.
the inability to live through life without wishing it away…
it is the seizure of the form that houses still what wishes to thrive.
it is the suffocation of the very movement that allows air.
it is the misery of the contained…
it is the uncontrollable immobilization of the spirit.

a shallow feeling

a shallow feeling ferments
sight a contemptuous slit
smileless lines align to enclose
a sharply curling serpent worm.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You know what would be good right now?
An end.
Yeah, an end.
so i have to never
contemplate all the misery spent
on thinking how much longer?

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
how much longer?

until i finish appeasing
the baleful twisted victors…

until finally someone admits
the foundation’s breaking…

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I must be buried alive
fully rotting already
feed upon the very hate that
seeps from my inescapable trap.