let me live my life as a leaf

let me live my life as a leaf.
let me lift and leave as they do.
they beg not to let go of limb…
but they go nevertheless, their greeness outgrown.
their brightness only crumbling to rustling brown bits
as i watch whether trampler will rake them back to me…
they do not stay as i do.
i alone cannot bear for each of them to go.
leaving me so bare and barren once more.
let eternal winter slay me through once.
lashes no more, no one hears my white muffled cries.
crack me in two and be done with your icy touch.
let not Spring come again with her adornments,
they mean nothing to me no more.
Sultry Summer with her,
blush of petit sweet offerings.
my bitterness ever taints them…
carressing eyes yet shriveling tongues.
etch not your beloveds upon me…
i promise your parting,
under my very boughs.

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Convinced

I always think

I miss the hugs

I miss the closeness

The kisses

The lazy slow caresses

The clumsy intertwinings

But

I don’t miss it enough

To let you anywhere near me ever again.

If anything… You have convinced me through all your myriad of miserable ways

That I may have no one ever again

But I’ll be damned if I settle for you or worse.

Lost & Finding

*I don’t know how this will work but I’m going to try…I would like to create a piece that prompted asoulwalker’s thoughtful and sage response.

“Lost & Finding”

There were days i wrote

Even then i curbed my words

Hid from their meaning

Scoffed at the emotion and fervour with which i wrote…

And i lost.

I lost myself

I lost my drive

I lost my joy

I lost.

And when I finally said i cannot do this anymore…

I chose me.

But choosing me meant

Forgiving myself when i felt betrayed

Comforting myself when i felt robbed

Picking up myself knowing i would stumble

Pieceing myself together… Knowing that there would be more pieces that would not fit, some broken, some lost, some taken or thrown away.

And when i ventured back to here

I realized I was there for me in words

Before I was ready

Before I needed it

Before I was strong enough to choose me.

And now I’m here…trying again… Not to seek the past, not to give into the urgency of the present…. Not to fear the future.

********************************
There is a space between things
Between the seeing and the feeling
Between the hearing and the feeling
Between the thinking and the feeling
There is a silence and a stillness
And in that space
We all move
We all are moved
We all are still
Every breath is held.

Let us face ourselves
That we might face each other
And may God show us the way of mercy

-asoulwalker

https://asoulswalk.wordpress.com/

How do i miss pretending?

It’s funny really

I missed you when I had you:

I missed all the things you did

For those fleeting charged moments

Then I missed how you seemed to

forget you were ever like that.

And now you’re not mine

(Not that you ever promised to be)

If anything you promised that was the

one thing you never could be…

And so what do i feel now?

How do you miss something you

never had?

How do you miss someone when you

were the one that wanted to let go?

I write, but….

I write but
Not compelled
Not awoken
Startled by the force
To feverishly pen
What flows
What bursts forward
To be read
I do not wake
The words caught
Under breathe
Recited like a
Newly wrought prayer
Its power still new
Still raw
Still strong in its conviction
To be heard…

at times

i wish patience wasn’t a virtue

that want wasn’t so wanton at times

that love truly at times just frustrates and disappoints

that missing someone could make you want to say goodbye

if only to stop missing them so badly

and realize the very next moment

the reason you want to leave

is to escape the pain of being left

unknown

there is a yearnful parting
that never came to be

we search for it without notice
whether or not an illusion

never knowing if each met
will ever be the ONE

as understudys eager to be betrayed as us.

two strangers never encountered
convinced they will know:
innately, irrevocably

and as they contemplate thus
seemingly guaranteed in deed

each pass the other
remaining one less unknown.

missed much-es

of tender touches

and shyly missed much-es

of reliving

smile-tugging memory patches

of remembering

sweet brushes

of awaiting

anticipated

bated breath catches

and creating

scenes

drenched

with wanting

new and known

to be awakened

in reality

 

 

let me live my life as a leaf

let me live my life as a leaf.
let me lift and leave as they do.
they beg not to let go of limb…
but they go nevertheless, their greeness outgrown.
their brightness only crumbling to rustling brown bits
as i watch whether trampler will rake them back to me…
they do not stay as i do.
i alone cannot bear for each of them to go.
leaving me so bare and barren once more.
let eternal winter slay me through once.
lashes no more, no one hears my white muffled cries.
crack me in two and be done with your icy touch.
let not Spring come again with her adornments,
they mean nothing to me no more.
Sultry Summer with her,
blush of petit sweet offerings.
my bitterness ever taints them…
carressing eyes yet shriveling tongues.
etch not your beloveds upon me…
i promise your parting,
under my very boughs.