Solace

Why is solace so 
singularly sad
yet uplifting 
in its hushed solitude?

is it not then
we hear the lilting
melodies of our hearts? 

Why is silence
sought out
when the wind
hushes
for no one

and whispers
no names but
those we keep
secret and close
to our heart of hearts?

How could it be more tender
in any other way?

Why would I want
a pain loved so truly
by solemness
shared in any other way?

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unforgiven

i spoke the words

i knew would cut deep

and though she bared her teeth

to hide the hurt 

i saw her tired eyes dilate

and i knew i had wounded something

that she would lock away

and look at again 

and let it harden

herself somehow

so that when she cut

i would not find the heart to heal

my anger spent

and regrets blurted

two clammy hands blotting her tears away

she gives away no sign of forgiving

she only mouths the words

while her eyes cloud over

 

will i?

i feel the edge threatening to crumble off

asking what will i do when my feet touch air?

will i reach for land or will i leap?

i feel my being breaking apart inside

asking will i give up or harden?

will i reach up or will i fall down?

i feel my heart letting go

asking will i trust it again

or will i just let it rot and bloat?

will i let it soar again or pin it to its place?

chocolates

chocolates,
proffering a gesture of her single kindness

with an open heart
she gives away and taunts me still

this is all she has brought
she who has made my son smile
this is may be the happiest moment of his life
is the saddest realization of mine

i do not want them all laid in a row
when have i ever walked down such a perfect path?
they must be fingered and bit and tasted and tossed
and smashed as what all sweetness has been for me

i take one and another
and pry the very ones from his little curled fist
i take and take and relish the tears which he will cry
for the mother who could not give him the chance to smile

he cries out loud in disbelief
to have his gift wrenched away
when he has given and given and given
all that was never supposed to be taken from him

my child is too a chocolate
devoured hungrily by me
fearing that this one too like all the rest of mine
will be snatched and eaten by time and tragedy

while unsuspecting hands freely offer
sweets poisoned with false hope that last until
he again will cry for a mouthful from my empty hand