Found out…

I have been found out…

pathetic there i stand too defeated to even try to remember

how upright i stood.

How every one of your innocent encouragements were in vain

nothing was to match my ego

revelling in all its undeserved glory.

The extent of your pity stings me, needles me, rips me apart

how cruel that this pain is not rescuingly fatal

it stays so that i must endure your forced praise.

Every bit of expectation and attention

that which let me gloat

and simper in all smugness

now causes to wrench slowly the very heart that burst with pride.

Your eyes too deep they are

they see too much in me…

i cannot stand how they enter and see
yet fail to acknowledge

but acknowledged it stays
within the very wavering of your glance

The very silence that falls when you ask and i stay soundless

soundless so that you may hear the screams of humiliation that rack me within

as you continue to wipe away tears that i cannot touch

let its vain salt burn the very face that is unable to utter Truth.

the un-rebel

no kind words
await the ill-honoured
un-rebel.

no praise, or applause
or laurels are
deserved by he.

a lament, a tirade
a lengthy convoluted complaint
are better suited for
he who plays the role
of the nonchalant saint.

all his passiveness
filled in neatly
into whatever space
pride left
when it was
scooped out
and left to simmer
in indignity.

a doormat is he
yet the stomp-trampling feet
leave tainted and dirty.

an odd duck perhaps?
befuddled about which
pious path to choose?

no,
just callous
and quiet
and with
nothing to lose.

Paradise of Melodies

What words are there to explain
this love of rhythm that flows through me?

Relentlessly you compose
your paradise of melodies:

An unforgettable journey throughout my very soul.

i bring back you back to Life
with fragments of
seeped in resonance.

you remain ever-perfectly playing:
lost in snatches
trapped within the confines
of my reverberating mind.

May i forever hear your echoes…

mine to mangle
mine to keep
mine to deafen

the muted cries of oblivion.

Symphony of the mind…

As a frequent user of public transportation, there have been countless periods of waiting mercifully filled with a chance to hum/recall/marvel at the songs that have captivated me and continue to play in the recesses of my mind, coming to the forefront when I again find myself waiting…why I rely on my mind rather than mp3/ipod is because I refuse to listen to music using headphones. Lesser than 20/20 vision has made me appreciate good hearing I guess…

So that is why I am particularly thankful for the powers of memory and the indelible print that music makes in our lives:

why does it make me forget?
takes me away
while letting me stay
gently pulls
gently caresses
gently settles
in the mind
and haunts
thereafter
as i walk
nonsensical hums
make beautiful sense
as it fills my mind
a presence
plays
all within in me
eyes shut
as scales soar
tuneless tunes sound
yet
heavenly
symphonies
echo