Oh Beloved Muse
Fickle as Fortune
Diaphanous as Luck
Neglected so
Unshun your humble servant.
My thoughts are not mine…
My words
Usurped
by my heart’s turmoil.
This is my undying promise to you:
Tirelessly I will toil my way
Through to you….
seek your ephemeral blessings
pay earnest obeisances
At your temple threshold
I’ll engrave your haloed name
In every verse…
I write but
Not compelled
Not awoken
Startled by the force
To feverishly pen
What flows
What bursts forward
To be read
I do not wake
The words caught
Under breathe
Recited like a
Newly wrought prayer
Its power still new
Still raw
Still strong in its conviction
To be heard…
i cannot bear this burden
and so i give it up to you
so that i may have some peace
before you name me
as its bearer
i may regret it
i may mislead myself with hope
yet for now i cannot bear the weight
not before i know if it is mine to bear….
a plea for pity
a soothing reprieve
a willingly wept prayer
a wretch’s last unsubtle cry for mercy
hopeless words half said, half breathed
a beckoning death knell
could not sound sweeter
and yet fate would not allow such ease
a desperate wail
scraped from within
feeble efforts to meekly appease
the undeniable truth of unease
Be my confidence
when the tide ebbs
speak through my anxiety
and remind me it will return again
maybe softly lapping at the shore
maybe thunderously crashing on the rocks
maybe only wanting to…meaning to…but just not getting the chance
maybe just trusting that i am its steady beacon and not some wayward flotsam
but assure me through the fluster
that the tide will return
however many times it may ebb
i sought prayer
and found relief
from the testing
that i unbeknownst
was asking for
the more i prayed
away my tears
the more i uttered heartfully
the more i found reason
to utter still more beseechingly
for the mercy that had not reached its time to be received
i hear your voice
that off key humming
that soft yet deep toned
murmuring
that distinct chuckle
that sweet nothing filled echo
i strain to hear you
to make it real
to place it in my time
but just as always
you go silent
sensing you have
come too near
what keeps you away?
you know i await
that fated chance
not promised
no, not at all
but dreamt of
and longed for
but thought of
and prayed for
and kept
within my
wounded self
to give the
emptiness
some company
God
you save me
in so many countless ways
with every word i utter
in prayer
with every breath
i take in hope
with every moment
i live this life
intotheindigo 