The shoe drops

I think the other shoe knows

I’m waiting for it to drop

I wait for it patiently

Pretending unaware

I’ve come to expect nothing less

I’ve learned nothing else happens to the contrary

I’ve stopped hoping for anything to work out

That doesn’t mean i don’t try

I give my best

But i haven’t seen any different

But this… This

I’ll take over been fooled.

Lost

I feel like i lost what i used to be…

My easy optimism
finding joy in all things

The sunrise, the clouds, the flowers, the warmth, the music

Sharing a smile with a passer-by

Seeing the love within a couple, a family, that indelible joy of a child

That golden warm feeling of gratefulness

Being happy because it’s so necessary

And now….

I feel like i lost what i used to be…

a plea

a plea for pity

a soothing reprieve

a willingly wept prayer

a wretch’s last unsubtle cry for mercy

hopeless words half said, half breathed

a beckoning death knell

could not sound sweeter

and yet fate would not allow such ease

a desperate wail

scraped from within

feeble efforts to meekly appease

the undeniable truth of unease

will i?

i feel the edge threatening to crumble off

asking what will i do when my feet touch air?

will i reach for land or will i leap?

i feel my being breaking apart inside

asking will i give up or harden?

will i reach up or will i fall down?

i feel my heart letting go

asking will i trust it again

or will i just let it rot and bloat?

will i let it soar again or pin it to its place?

unwishing

if i dont want it too much

will it become within reach?

if i don’t hope it will come true

does it not have a better chance of becoming real?

if i always look for a way to survive

then cannot i not share it with another?

if i accept that i will never be happy

then surely i can hope that my few moments not to be snatched away?