The look of disgust
dripped from your eyes
but i was trapped
and he was lost
my breath caught
my gasp too soon swallowed
shame shot through my senses
but i was held in place
and he stayed lost
locked
in and out
The look of disgust
dripped from your eyes
but i was trapped
and he was lost
my breath caught
my gasp too soon swallowed
shame shot through my senses
but i was held in place
and he stayed lost
locked
in and out
my conscience
catches more than my
guilty breath,
as it continues to smoke
unerring mirrors,
i accept all that is reflected
with open mind,
and see all that can be
with my slitted heart,
i feel all that never was
and perspire shame.
though i feel the points and juttings
as i toss and turn and knock about
my fingers still seek and sink into
the weighty dough
and though at times i peer at spindly
i beg the Fleischer
and promise soft to pay him dearly
and even sometimes i breathe in
and glimpse reedy
but there is no question
of how
at noon’s call
how needy
how so very, very greedy
it gets…
and though you tell me
to really see
and to see what you see
i see only me
and that
i am more than enough
I have been found out…
pathetic there i stand too defeated to even try to remember
how upright i stood.
How every one of your innocent encouragements were in vain
nothing was to match my ego
revelling in all its undeserved glory.
The extent of your pity stings me, needles me, rips me apart
how cruel that this pain is not rescuingly fatal
it stays so that i must endure your forced praise.
Every bit of expectation and attention
that which let me gloat
and simper in all smugness
now causes to wrench slowly the very heart that burst with pride.
Your eyes too deep they are
they see too much in me…
i cannot stand how they enter and see
yet fail to acknowledge
but acknowledged it stays
within the very wavering of your glance
The very silence that falls when you ask and i stay soundless
soundless so that you may hear the screams of humiliation that rack me within
as you continue to wipe away tears that i cannot touch
let its vain salt burn the very face that is unable to utter Truth.