easier

is it easier or harder

to want what everyone else wants?

what we are smiled upon for wanting?

what we are supported and celebrated for wanting?

or is it harder to want what no one else thinks you should want?

what you will be lectured about, advised about, discouraged and guilted about?

is it easier to try your best to conform and worry how you fall short?

Or is it easier to strike your own path and bear the cold shoulders and disapproving glares?

this whispers, the dead silences, the piteous, the nervous and ingenuine smiles?

when does it become easier to do your thing?

when does it become easier to do what you want?

when does it become easier to achieve what seems to come so easy to others?

when does it become enough?

when does it become easier?

knowing

i cannot see past this misery

it catches me unaware

i avert my eyes from happiness

it is a but a cruel reminder

of all that i cautiously….yet…willingly….hoped would be

and though i’ve always prepared for failure

i feel winded even before the blow

i feel hollow even before i know

of what i fear i already know is true

i cannot begin to imagine

what this will do to me

manic’s playground

a manic’s playground is            my mind

entrapped within a jungle gym of ludicrous joy

buried deep within the soiled sands of plunging sorrow

an unbalanced act atop the high top

the too quick and slick descent of my                sanity upon the slide

the cloying sweet-rancid smell of the tire swing

as i hold         tight

sickened-spinning-dizzy from deciphering what’s real              what’s not

foolish zenith

sometimes
having reached
a foolish zenith

 reason surpasses
the enduring calls of
past words

all that is subjected to difference
seems thinly veiled as the last

all disguising the one truth
with no more than a
used epiphany

Pearly maidens

Pearly maidens swirl towards existence

Waltzing upon marbled sea.

Frothing in frenzy they swell together

Ever nearing the point of return.

 

Do they escape to only return?

Or do they return only to escape?

 

As they perish on the threshold of foam

Ebbing aquatic souls reincarnate in successive waves

Hopelessly they wait upon Neptune’s grace.

Whirling in an ecstasy ever showering

the fluid folds with translucent gems.

Dissipating into liquid’s depth,

resurfacing to join the mer-melee.

 

Gracefully surging towards the siren’s lure

In desire to reach beyond the horizon…

To sashay past the cascading crescents

Flowingly fleeing the curves of the thunderous crush.

tarnished

Is it Age which has tarnished this man?

loosened his tongue?
lessened his morals?
degraded his respect?
diminished his kindness?

Has wear and tear and time done its deed?

No….only that irrepressible bitterness of life
and its thorny, barren path.

Do i hate this one now?

No, not hate…after all that has gone by…

struggled and survived.

No, not hate…no, not a lot…just a little.

Ungratefulness is a nettle-laden venom
inflaming all those who are no less weaker than you.

see how selfish one is to remember:

only his errors, his faults

his stumblings-grumblings-bumblings

his wandering and oft lost thoughts…

see how my finger points…how my words sting,

even when inside i am only hurt because
i let the finger point and the words sting…

i have never

i have never

lay upon the roadside and cried for sleep
pleaded for water or whimpered for a meal
walked farther than far and still walked some more
bickered for space and frowned at innocent smiles

said words i did not believe
swore oaths i did not comprehend

felt pity drowning within myself
felt fright in sharing
guilt for still caring
accused innocent lives to continue with mine

i thought my nevers would last,but they betrayed me…

my never evers have become my now.

Yearning is that much sweeter

when we cannot have
what we want

our desires
become
more mercurious

the mediocre
becomes
more miraculous

the impossible
becomes
more spurious

the winner
becomes
more victorious

it is what colours
our reality
with yen

displaces us
from zen

it is why
we keep
waiting
for
when…