I can hear myself
Convincing you
Convincing me
My earnestness strains
To be heard
To be accepted
To quiet my mind of doubts
To quiet your tongue of questions
I repeat myself
Tasting the words
Chewing them over
Letting them spill forth
Emphatically
Letting the pauses
Speak of surety
Letting my gestures spell out confidence
Waiting out your nods
Searching your smiles
For satisfaction or smirks
Weighing all the segues
And praying for a tangent
A providential interjection
if i dont want it too much
will it become within reach?
if i don’t hope it will come true
does it not have a better chance of becoming real?
if i always look for a way to survive
then cannot i not share it with another?
if i accept that i will never be happy
then surely i can hope that my few moments not to be snatched away?
pendulum
to and fro
to and fro
along with the
beats of a heart
in throes
of wandering woe
pendulum
to and fro
to and fro
tapping along
a life’s time that
ticks by me
before my very eyes
pendulum
to and fro
to and fro
stopping quite still
to only mock with
with your dullish gold face
smirking away at my
misty-headed misery
my muse
can hardly raise her heavily burdened head
chiding herself for not inspiring something all anew
there is only so much sorrow
to darken the day with
there is only so much joy to wet and wash it away with
and though sometimes
she paints a familiar theme
an oft defining scene
i am if anything a canvas
full of depth and blankness bereft
never left wanting
never left without
a touch of her healing colours
there are infinite enclosures
but only one that holds a heart secure
there are many blinking apertures
but only one seeks to stare
straight into the darkness
there are so many reasons to want
but there is only one way to need.
If friendships can be taut
how can pairing be elastic?
Is there only so much you take
of one another?
How is it possible to continue
until ends are met?
The littlings nettle…
The perfunctorily unsettles…
How to sustain
a resistive armour?
a resilient mettle?
One that will not harden
but softens with grace
each time a Bright
moment persists…
in shining through?
intotheindigo 