Dawning

keep your fingers crossed
your heart open
your vision willing
your dreams real

@@@

keep your smile secret
your heart willing
your vision sure
your dreams strong

@@@

keep your eyes dry
your heart strong
your vision unblurred
your dreams from fleeting

@@@

keep your head up
your heart patched up
your vision realistic
your dreams as dreams

 

Addiction’s call

it will only get better
more happiness, more peace, more bliss
more of that oft searched forgetfulness
you can refuse anytime you want
now, later, tomorrow,
did you not refuse yesterday?
then do just quit another day

you deserve it
for sure you do
i know you do

just once then
last time
the very last time
i will not ask again
ever
this is the last time
ever

what is there to be worried about?
what consequence?
what isn’t without consequence?

+

one life to live
one addiction to relive
find relief now
find reprieve

no other way

the now

looking towards the Future

only takes you so far

when you are waiting

for the Now to appear.

and though all that is optimistic

claims to follow Yet

and all that has gone

has been washed over with

Yesterday’s rosy brush

the Truth is:

Now with its

imperfections

and awkwardness

is what i impatiently

crave.

chocolates

chocolates,
proffering a gesture of her single kindness

with an open heart
she gives away and taunts me still

this is all she has brought
she who has made my son smile
this is may be the happiest moment of his life
is the saddest realization of mine

i do not want them all laid in a row
when have i ever walked down such a perfect path?
they must be fingered and bit and tasted and tossed
and smashed as what all sweetness has been for me

i take one and another
and pry the very ones from his little curled fist
i take and take and relish the tears which he will cry
for the mother who could not give him the chance to smile

he cries out loud in disbelief
to have his gift wrenched away
when he has given and given and given
all that was never supposed to be taken from him

my child is too a chocolate
devoured hungrily by me
fearing that this one too like all the rest of mine
will be snatched and eaten by time and tragedy

while unsuspecting hands freely offer
sweets poisoned with false hope that last until
he again will cry for a mouthful from my empty hand

a shallow feeling

a shallow feeling ferments
sight a contemptuous slit
smileless lines align to enclose
a sharply curling serpent worm.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You know what would be good right now?
An end.
Yeah, an end.
so i have to never
contemplate all the misery spent
on thinking how much longer?

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
how much longer?

until i finish appeasing
the baleful twisted victors…

until finally someone admits
the foundation’s breaking…

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I must be buried alive
fully rotting already
feed upon the very hate that
seeps from my inescapable trap.

tick-tock

time  gnaws

upon my mind

making the tick-tock

louder

it echoes and shudders

the cobwebs once more.

 

age

looms heavier in my bones

my wrinkles writhe and deepen

numbed and chill am i

yet life still riots throughout my body

in the disguise of pain

my mind wanders away

without ever saying when…