Waiting to know

I write mindlessly
Not knowing what i want to mean
Not knowing what I’m supposed to want
I reach out to no one
And feel no one needing me
But that’s not true
Everyone needs to not hear
Me out of chorus
Out of tune
Out of order
Out of sense
And searching for my own understanding
Because no one knows how long that could take
And who but i…if even i come to know…
Know what i really need to know?

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caught

The look of disgust

dripped from your eyes

but i was trapped

and he was lost

my breath caught

my gasp too soon swallowed

shame shot through my senses

but i was held in place

and he stayed lost

 locked

in and out

Addiction’s call

it will only get better
more happiness, more peace, more bliss
more of that oft searched forgetfulness
you can refuse anytime you want
now, later, tomorrow,
did you not refuse yesterday?
then do just quit another day

you deserve it
for sure you do
i know you do

just once then
last time
the very last time
i will not ask again
ever
this is the last time
ever

what is there to be worried about?
what consequence?
what isn’t without consequence?

+

one life to live
one addiction to relive
find relief now
find reprieve

no other way