Broken but willing

There are so many broken

And trying again is damn hard

But being broken

You only break other people.

★

We are all weary

But if we are brave

Enough to be vulnerable

Perhaps we can finally heal.

Searching

Society says I only have so much time

Biology sagely agrees

But Life

And Will

And Experience

They keep asking me to wait

For better.

And I?

I seesaw between hope and despair

I venture and retreat

I try and falter

And still try

I will do what i can

Until i can’t no more.

want/try

there is something so very unsettling

about wanting when trying

because when wanting

without trying

there is that vast and possibility filled field-dream

that would otherwise be

a lonely abyss

am i thought?

just for fun, when writing the piece “lit/unlit” light was the word that rushed forth…

a word
rushes forth
at every chance
“am i needed?”
“am i sought?”

it repeats itself
like a child recites
“can i or can i not?”

shamelessly
pandering
clumsily
meandering
teasing forgetfulness
like it wants to be caught

but ever ready
with a toothy grin
“am i needed?
how ’bout now?
am i thought?”

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undone

absently picking at an invisible thread

running my fingers  along the tattooed  stitches

tracing patches too large to cover the ragged holes

the frayed at edges feel serrated sharp

and yet i thread my eyeless needle

hoping to sew it all better…

try

try
and it will challenge
but live

understand
and it will hurt
but heal

help
and it will take
but return

love
and it will question
but stay

hope
and it will strain
but hold

live
and it will end
but create

your loss not mine

“your loss not mine”

i practice before the mirror
a toss of the head
a narrowing of eyes
a haughty contempt
a shoddy attempt

i practice typing
hurriedly,
punctuating victory
leaving no space
between the lines
to read defeat
before jabbing “delete”

i practice the phrase
biting each word
chewing upon its gravity
less rudely than spit
more bitter than wit

i can’t do this shit.