I can hear myself
Convincing you
Convincing me
My earnestness strains
To be heard
To be accepted
To quiet my mind of doubts
To quiet your tongue of questions
I repeat myself
Tasting the words
Chewing them over
Letting them spill forth
Emphatically
Letting the pauses
Speak of surety
Letting my gestures spell out confidence
Waiting out your nods
Searching your smiles
For satisfaction or smirks
Weighing all the segues
And praying for a tangent
A providential interjection
to envy the sorrows
that have comforts
*
to question the cares
of those who have
ones to save them
*
to search for a
smaller piece
of a gauzy dream
all glimmering with hope
one where joy
is still buoyant
and ignorant
of the troubles
that follow
***
to deny that a whimper
was heard where a
roar was thoroughly expected
*
to seek the words
that were heard in the heart
but were left unsaid
the air still silent
and stuck within
the breath
wishing to remain
inside
and end what all
it had started
***
and to forget what
hope there ever
was of returning
to that little
sad pit of denial
***
intotheindigo 