candied words
subdue
questions.
iloveyous
wreath the unanswered.
recalling all
the good
the happened
the known
waylaying the unknown for another day…
a magic trick that works only because i stay silent.
earnestness urging patience
to gather its resolve
once again
i sought prayer
and found relief
from the testing
that i unbeknownst
was asking for
the more i prayed
away my tears
the more i uttered heartfully
the more i found reason
to utter still more beseechingly
for the mercy that had not reached its time to be received
why do i sigh (a little relieved)
when fear comes tumbling out of your mouth
your urgent words collide into each other
in their haste to express what i hardly have the courage to sum up
and therefore reply with silence
(and a deeply quiet marvel)
at how insecurity is such an odd leveler
an overlooked equaler
and so i know now
but before
i could only accumulate
reasons that were true before
and though they were not given by you
they spoke for you in your absence
until your words came to my heed
until your voice came like a soothing balm
of what you thought was true
of what you hoped i knew
but what i dared not believe
until it came from you
Dear one,
i forgo so much
to please you
but resentment grows
like a stubborn
unwieldy weed
each word you utter in just jest
and all that i must not take so seriously
they solemnly gather
in dark slashing lines
surrounding me
their meanings rise
like too long stifled truth
each begs for due consideration
for its time in allotted worry…
but there is only so much i can do
before i break
and escape this
soft and cunning
prison
of promises and pleas.
sound out the sounds
they are no longer words
they make no sense
being strung along
to complete a sentence
that means nothing
but
it still tries
to express
what is not there
there’s no fooling you
is there?
No other reason
then from the goodness of your heart
you act without needing to
and that is all that matters.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I hate to love you:
I am always yours,
I nor you are ever mine,
but as yours, as yours…as your only own…
I yearn…
for ours.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
my lips are bruised
from too many bitten back words
the tears only make them burn.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
you say you shouldn’t say
but you say it anyways
what height do you achieve
in bringing down what you held so high
trodding on what you notice
yet don’t.
tainted thine typed out tryings
verbage together litter a page
what more is there but lesser whats
riffled through and written out
as rejected
over confidence over
rhythm somewhere lost
devices to lie have proven true in their bitter lies
meaning yet means to change
to whatever it meant to matter
intotheindigo 