Tag Archives: broken

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Lost & Finding

*I don’t know how this will work but I’m going to try…I would like to create a piece that prompted asoulwalker’s thoughtful and sage response.

“Lost & Finding”

There were days i wrote

Even then i curbed my words

Hid from their meaning

Scoffed at the emotion and fervour with which i wrote…

And i lost.

I lost myself

I lost my drive

I lost my joy

I lost.

And when I finally said i cannot do this anymore…

I chose me.

But choosing me meant

Forgiving myself when i felt betrayed

Comforting myself when i felt robbed

Picking up myself knowing i would stumble

Pieceing myself together… Knowing that there would be more pieces that would not fit, some broken, some lost, some taken or thrown away.

And when i ventured back to here

I realized I was there for me in words

Before I was ready

Before I needed it

Before I was strong enough to choose me.

And now I’m here…trying again… Not to seek the past, not to give into the urgency of the present…. Not to fear the future.

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There is a space between things
Between the seeing and the feeling
Between the hearing and the feeling
Between the thinking and the feeling
There is a silence and a stillness
And in that space
We all move
We all are moved
We all are still
Every breath is held.

Let us face ourselves
That we might face each other
And may God show us the way of mercy

-asoulwalker

https://asoulswalk.wordpress.com/

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jagged

you wonder at how jagged i am

after breaking me into so many pieces

shattering me so painstakingly

and hoping your dried up glue attempts

will ever put me back together as i once was

mourning at how displaced we are

how different things now are

blind to the hammer you wield

blind to the disaster you reek

only wanting what you

and now only you alone seek

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gather the visions

gather the visions, that have not come true
do not let them scatter
they will only sneak in later
ready to inflate and flatter
what is not possible.

gather the dreams, all broken and torn
do not let them fly
they will only land later
and once again pry.

gather the lies, all found and spoken
do not let even one survive
they will only bleed in later
ready to further deprive.

gather all the loves forsaken
do not let them stay
they will only linger and linger
waiting to betray.

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pearly seek

i clutch at

their pearly spheres

as they stealthily slip off their string

and effortlessly fall

their luminescent sheen

reflecting off the floor

as they scatter away

i hold just one

and roll it between my fingers

knowing i’ll never find them all

i place it on my tongue

close my eyes

and spit it away

up into the air

it lands softly somewhere

i slowly peer and fear that i will see its peeking satined face

knowing i’ll never find them all

knowing that if i do

i’ll just want to swallow them all

for safe keeping

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gathering

Dear one,

i forgo so much

to please you

but resentment grows

like a stubborn

unwieldy weed

 

each word you utter in just jest

and all that i must not take so seriously

they solemnly gather

in dark slashing lines

surrounding me

their meanings rise

like too long stifled truth

each begs for due consideration

for its time in allotted worry…

 

but there is only so much i can do

before i break

and escape this

soft and cunning

prison

of promises and pleas.

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i let go…

i let go

why must you still not do so?

i let go with so much

what is it for you with nothing

to leave me be…

why is it i cannot close my eyes and be without you

but you have cut me off

and still bind me to your will.

as i stare searching reliving ever without release

you live and leave me

staring ever after you.

is this always to be?

i reach and fall

you need not reach

and have no way to fall.

you care not knowing i can not but care

yet i let it go

i let it all go

so to not let go

of

you…