Tag Archives: fear

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Keepsake Heart

Can you not reveal your heart to me?

Must I delve in there myself?

I wish I could tell you…
I’m set to run,

I’ll cut off and run,

And not look back.

I’ll look obsessively over my backup plans

I always have.

I’ll recite the pros and cons,

Have a proactive case of sour grapes,

I don’t know any other way…

To keep my heart

from being taken

Only to have it handed back

Emptier than it was before.

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Pain

When you’re in pain

It’s hard not to think of an end

It’s hard not to think of an off

But to do so is human

Yet seeing it through is not a really a fair choice

So much fear, so much doubt, so much so to think of just getting an out..

If it were… though… how many of us would stay the course?

How many of us stay to see a little more with a little less each time?

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How am i stronger?

How am i strong

When I’m still submitting to weaknesses?

Brushing away the nagging feeling

That things are not alright

That they can be better

But it’s in my hands.

How am I stronger

When I still am not able

To make the right

And cut my losses

To shape my life

The way it should be?

The way i so want it to be…

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Truth once told me

Truth once told me
that Uncertainty
will one day kill me.

So off I set to find Un-C
yet upon meeting him
I could only blame Stress.

Stress addled and full of bile
haughtily stalked towards me
and after a few choice words
told me to go accuse Denial.

Denial of course was always near
I tried as much as I could to look him in the eye
but behind Denial stood Fear. 

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will i?

i feel the edge threatening to crumble off

asking what will i do when my feet touch air?

will i reach for land or will i leap?

i feel my being breaking apart inside

asking will i give up or harden?

will i reach up or will i fall down?

i feel my heart letting go

asking will i trust it again

or will i just let it rot and bloat?

will i let it soar again or pin it to its place?

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static

the journeys i await to take

to escape

in case of tragedy

lead me away from home

lead me away from the comfortable known

a spurning?  an ending? a new leaf turning?

monastic? ecstatic? or just another further contrived version of static?

all this waits upon a mishap that will leave me no more willing through its hap

but leaves me no closer to peace

that i seek

by awaiting an excuse to leave.

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unwishing

if i dont want it too much

will it become within reach?

if i don’t hope it will come true

does it not have a better chance of becoming real?

if i always look for a way to survive

then cannot i not share it with another?

if i accept that i will never be happy

then surely i can hope that my few moments not to be snatched away?

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odd leveler

why do i sigh (a little relieved)

when fear comes tumbling out of your mouth

your urgent words collide into each other

in their haste to express what i hardly have the courage to sum up

and therefore reply with silence

(and a deeply quiet marvel)

at how insecurity is such an odd leveler

an overlooked equaler

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caught

The look of disgust

dripped from your eyes

but i was trapped

and he was lost

my breath caught

my gasp too soon swallowed

shame shot through my senses

but i was held in place

and he stayed lost

 locked

in and out